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I treat her very well, provide most of the financial responsibility of our household, and make sure that I continue to take her out on dates, buy small gifts for her, bring her flowers, etc.

But in spite of all these efforts, when I try to initiate sex, my wife participates through the foreplay and then tells me that she just doesn't feel like having sex or is too tired.

Remember the cliché of the man in the middle of a mid-life crisis – trading the Honda in for a Porsche and the wife for a younger model?

Now, thanks to online dating, so-called ‘mutually beneficial’ relationships have never been easier to come by.

I love the idea of Richard Gere bankrolling my shopping trips to Selfridges every weekend, and I can’t see much wrong with two consenting adults agreeing to a relationship that suits them both.

But am I being naive in thinking sugar daddy dating is simply a case of click and collect, or are online arrangements one step away from selling yourself to the highest bidder?

It often occurred to me to go to a doctor, but by the time I would get off the toilet, the urgency had subsided. I was dating at the time, and because there was no chance in hell that I was going to explain to my dates what was going on, I would surreptitiously remove the paper seconds before sex. I found a colorectal surgeon, a Jew (which is how I pick my doctors in a city that has too many) named Stephen Brandeis. I go to the check-in area and have a half-hour argument with the woman behind the desk about whether I have a referral. We know what you’ve been through.”I finally make it to the waiting room.

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